


this is how you lose her

by aylee_ann



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: DO YOU HEAR ME CRYING IN THE CLUBB, F/M, and saw something in each other that no one else did, and suffer with me, and they truly cared for each other, full on angsty so go ahead if you want to bawl your eyes out, i just had to write something, i mean they are that 'we could've had it all' kind of couple, i've always liked their dynamic in season 1, so when i found out there was something more to the story, subtle mention of suicide, tragically beautiful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-13 07:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14744901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aylee_ann/pseuds/aylee_ann
Summary: The summer after the sophomore year was more eventful than both Zach and Hannah let on, but like all summer romances their story ended in broken hearts and unshed tears or six truths and one lie about Zach Dempsey and Hannah Baker.





	this is how you lose her

(i) Hannah Baker saw Zach Dempsey in a way no one else did.

Zach Dempsey was in the baseball team, part of the popular squad that somewhat ran the school, ridiculously tall and deadly handsome. He was what the girls usually referred to as ‘the golden boy’. People saw a Zach that had everything a 16-year-old guy could ever wish for, but Hannah saw more than that. 

She saw a Zach that had his own sadness buried inside, she saw a Zach that was trying hard (sometimes even too hard) to fit in with the crowd, to get the recognition he needed to survive in Liberty High as one of the popular boys. She saw smiles that never quite reached the eyes, and loneliness in the slouch of his shoulders when no one was looking. 

She saw a piece of herself in him.  
-

(ii) Zach knew for a fact that there was more to Hannah than the rumours that were spreading in hushed voices along the hallways. 

He’d always remember the night he saw Hannah for the first time— stars in her eyes, fire in her hair, and sunshine in her smile. There was something about her that stirred something inside him that night. Even later on, he couldn’t quite put his finger on what exactly it was that made his eyes linger on her for more than necessary, that made his heart skip a beat. 

He tried and failed to reach out to her when her date with Justin turned into a scandalous rendezvous the whole school gossiped about. There would be this lump in his throat whenever a chance presented itself. When Marcus took her out on the Valentine’s date, Zach was sure he was so close to marching over and punching him in the face. It was a stupid bet, and Hannah deserved more than a guy who only wanted to get into her pants. She deserved more than being a prize for a heartless bet. 

He sat with her that night, not letting the fact that she was ignoring him for the most part get to him. He tried that dumb trick Bryce taught him— the trick he knew fully well he never got the hang of. The corners of her lips curled up slightly as the spoon dropped onto the table. 

Maybe it wasn’t too bad of an idea making a fool of himself as long as there was a smile ghosting on her lips.  
-

(iii) Zach was an asshole— definitely maybe. 

She harshly rejected him in public after Zach opened up about his feelings for her. Hannah was too caught up in her own pain to see the sincerity in his confession. She assumed he was just like the others— trying to get close to her because apparently she was ‘easy’. 

That was definitely not enough of a reason for Zach to take away her compliments, and yet at that moment, he figured it might be. It was a selfish and somewhat malicious move on his side— one he’d wish he hadn’t made later on. 

He refrained from leaving her compliments as he’d done so religiously for the past few weeks and somehow noticed that someone else was also dropping her anonymous notes. Maybe it was him wanting to be the only person making her smile, maybe it was him not thinking things through, or maybe it was just his asshole side winning over his other side. Either way, he took that one note and hid it, making Hannah think that no one left her anything. 

‘It’s soul-crushing, isn’t it?’ He thought, staring down at his own empty bag while watching the way her smile faltered as she peeked down her own bag from the corner of his eyes.

He wished he could have taken back what he did right then and there. He wished he had done something else rather than dash out of the class.  
-

(iv) They found each other when both of their worlds were falling apart.

Hannah never thought Zach would personally apologize to her after the hallway confrontation about the whole fiasco that went down between him. Once again, life never ceased to surprise her which was why she found herself at the Crestmont, filling up a cup of Diet Coke for Zach Dempsey (not to mention that it was his third time there that week). He tripped and fell all over his words but managed to utter a sincere apology to her. And Hannah (being Hannah) couldn’t stay mad at him so she flashed him a smile and only charged him for the movie ticket. 

Zach would drop by almost every day or at least he’d make an attempt to show up whenever it was Hannah’s shift. He’d sit through the most excruciating movies just for a 5-minute chat and a glimpse of her smile. Somewhere between judging looks and occasional jokes, they ended having this movie date at Hannah’s place. Who would’ve known that Zach Dempsey would have the guts to ask Hannah Baker out? Who would’ve known that she would actually agree to it with the brightest smile on her lips even.

Somewhere between Hannah battling with people’s wrongful judgement against her and Zach losing his father, they found comfort in each other. It was in moments where they were just silently lying in bed, Hannah resting her head on his chest as he combed his fingers through her hair or moments where Zach would pull her closer, laughing against her pouting lips, or moments where she covered his eyes, softly pressing her lips against his, stifling a sigh at how magical it felt that it seemed like everything was going to be alright— that all was well.  
-

(v) Zach let her go. 

Hannah became the light of his life unknowingly without any signs or foreshadowing. She made him feel less lonely in this world that made him feel like it was him alone against everyone else. For the first time in a long time did he feel like he could entrust someone with his whole world— someone he could tell his deepest fears and boldest dreams to, someone he could love knowing he would be loved back. 

He let her go anyway. 

She suggested ending it after witnessing how he openly ignored having anything to do with her in front of his friends. She did see the dreary look in his eyes, the ‘I’m sorry’ on the tip of his tongue when their eyes met as Bryce and the others purchased the tickets for the movie. A part of her knew where it was coming from, another part of her knew that she deserved more than passing glances and stolen kisses. She knew he cared; he just didn’t care enough. 

Zach felt like his heart was being ripped apart as soon as he processed her words. He wanted to fight for her, to tell her how he truly felt, but he could hear Bryce honking outside, calling out his name. The coward in him did what he knew best. He ran away from what was possibly the best thing that ever happened to him since he entered Liberty High. He walked out on the girl that was somehow his world.  
-

(vi)  
Zach wanted to protect Hannah. 

It was a blatant lie he told himself everyday to cover for the guilt that was suffocating him. He’d feel his heart sink whenever they passed each other at school. Most of the time Hannah pretended she didn’t see him. To Zach, that was probably what hurt the most. 

He’d go home, scrolling through their old messages, wondering about the what-ifs that were long gone. He could never look at her and not feel the stinging pain in his chest or have flashbacks to when they were together. Sometimes he’d wake up in the middle of the night, struggling for breath as his mind went over the dream he had just now. It was always Hannah and it always hurt. 

Sometimes he’d catch himself fighting the urge to call her. His thumb would hover over the call button until he came to his senses. He didn’t tell her how much he wanted to be with her because of this identity he had constructed over the years. He was Zach Dempsey and in everyone’s eyes, a girl from the cheerleader team would be a good fit for him, not Hannah Baker. He was so absorbed in what everyone else would think that he forgot about himself entirely. He forgot that he was living this life for himself and not everyone around him. He was trying so hard to be accepted by this crowd that barely knew him that he chose them over the girl that peeked into his soul. By the time he realized he had ruined everything by being an idiot, it was already too late. 

He would beat himself up about it, silently grieving the fact that he’d never be able to hold her close and tell her how much she meant to him— that he loved her. He wondered how he could ever forgive himself for letting her walk out of his life like that. 

At the end of the day, he only wanted to protect himself, and yet he never quite managed to do so. At least not with this pain that pierced through his heart every time he thought of her. It was the kind of pain he wasn’t sure would ever go away.  
-  
-

(vii)  
Zach loved Hannah, and would always do in a way. That’s the absolute truth of all.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on Zach/Hannah after watching episode 6 of season 2. I wish things were different between them but I'll take the good with the bad. They truly found each other in the midst of everything and that makes them so special in my heart. They're the unexpected that made perfect sense (not to mention the chemistry which is off the charts!!). Feedback is highly appreciated x


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